an outtake

Last night when I was talking to a very dear friend, I stumbled upon something very important; I stood up in front of the mirror after God knows how long and I looked into my eyes, my now empty and opaque eyes, a tear rolled down my cheek and I smiled for I had discovered the ultimate truth. It was as if I had received a reality check in the world of made up scenarios that had consumed me.
I finally could see who I had become, I had become someone I promised myself not to ever be.

The sky had an outtake as well

How could I have forgotten about the promise I made to myself? How could I have not been true to myself? How did I hide myself behind the curtains? How did I drop myself in the pit and never looked back? the questions began pop above my head like fireworks in the sky on 4th of July.

It was late at night and I was drowning in my solitude, I remembered the words of my friend and they started echoing in my mind like acid on marble.
I then realized how toxic some people actually were in my life and that how much I had lost myself in their toxic words that I, too had become a toxin.
It has been 20 hours since that conversation but the effects will last for 20 years.
There are words that I need to remind myself from time to time, ''I am not in a movie'' ''the things that I feel are not concerning others'' ''This is not a scripted movie'' ''I don't have to watch myself play this role anymore'' ''I can shut them out, I can stop them'' ... to be continued.

Prayers

Just trying to express my words by the lens of a camera

They say prayers are powerful enough to change our fates, but oh god have i prayed for the wrong things my whole life

and now that I am left with nothing but my prayers I have no idea what to pray for;

Am I supposed to pray for all the things I lack, or the things I want, the things I need or maybe the things that I don't know of, but I crave unknowingly.

Spring Captured in one tiny little flower

From all this uncertainty one thing that rose above was the fact 

that I, a human being humbly accept the defeat of not knowing what I need, want or lack, and yet still my heart keeps praying maybe not on my lips but my heart is always praying, praying for the things to make it stronger.

Bandaids

You know how when you take a band-aid off its wound thinking it has healed, but
then a few days later the wound starts to bleed or simply doesn't get better and you have to put another band-aid on it then
it begins to hurt more and even take more time to heal than the time it would have taken with the first band-aid.
That's how false hope feels like;
you think you have healed completely and that you are now happy and that you will be happy,
but
what really happens is that your wound is right there you just decided to take the band-aid off because you thought it had healed completely.

What I like about Photographs

Mazar-e Sharif City Afghanistan at night

    Photographs have always fascinated me in the most beautiful ways, there's this extraordinary pull photographs have on me that almost feels like I am in a magnetic space and the pictures are my opposite pole.

Do you remember how when we were kids all we wanted to achieve was to build a time-machine; I wasn't any different either, and in a way photographs are the closest things we have to a time machine, they are somewhat actual time machines which don't do anything and everything at the same time. Confused on the ability of photographs right? Let me elaborate; photographs take us back to the time -to the exact moment they were taken and your mind kind of brings out the old memory from a shelf of your brain and you get to relive them like it was in front of your eyes again. The mind is the sidekick for the brain because in a magical way you get to remember all the little details of the the time it was taken and I for one think that is a little magic by itself. 

A blur moment of lights in a traffic 

Photographs are magical machines that capture a moment that is gone forever - a moment in a hurry or a moment that can never come back but yet it does come back when you look at the photographs and that just makes them more mysterious than they already are.

blurring a moment I thought was beautiful when it was clear

 I like playing with photographs afterwards; it gives you the ability to change how you experienced that moment which is gone now but you get to live it twice in how ever many different ways or times you want. Want to see how it would look like if you hadn't just had your glasses on or what would have been different if the sun wasn't shining at that moment.
To sum it all up how are our lives affected by photographs or cameras in just a sentence would be impossible but just like the way they work I would say Photography is magical.

clear image of  Mazar-e Sharif, Afghanistan at night 

I have always heard people experiencing their lives through a writer's perception but I like to see my life through a camera lens if it is worth capturing and holding onto I know I have done right with my life if not well; the camera still has a lot of more images to capture.